Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
