Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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