I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
