Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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