Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
