i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
