your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
