Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
