are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
