You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
