FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
