Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think I died a long time ago.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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