I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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