I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
