I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
