One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
