he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
