Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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