Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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