I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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