I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
