apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
