why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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