Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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