hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
