He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
