I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
