my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
