i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
