She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
