I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
