just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
