I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize