He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
