hotel room ftw
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
