you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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