If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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