I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
