You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
