If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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