dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
one two three fourrrrnication!
no, he came in my armpit
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize