I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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