he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
