Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
