it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
