Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
