I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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