Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
