so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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