I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
