if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Say something about gay babies.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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