the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
