Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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