I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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