nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
