Having a random hookup so left but love u
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
