Jerry, you need to find god
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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