My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
