I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
