You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
