I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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