...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
