question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
