I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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