thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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