Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
