The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
