The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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